Just a couple things.

I seem to go through periods of time where I have more to write about than others. Lately has been one of those times where I have not had so much to write about. The year is coming to an end and we are about to approach 2009 just around the corner. I don't have huge new years plans this year, or any other year for that matter. I know that I am looking forward to spending the night with some of my closest friend.

Christmas...
Well, it didn't feel like every other Christmas. I reserved myself from buying gifts this year from anyone outside of my family. My roommates and I didn't buy a Christmas tree, nor did we decorate. I had no concept of how fast it was approaching this year, because of my lack of agenda of "things" that had to get done before the 25th.

Christmas morning I woke up, got ready, and went to my Mom's house for the day. It was one of the first days in so long that I was able to enjoy with my mom and brother. No fights, no fuss, no anger, just love. I thoroughly just got to enjoy a wonderful day with my family. I was more happy this year than any other year with having more gifts, or money. I love seeing the maturity in what is more important in my life. Stuff is not the answer. Stuff does not bring me happiness, it is mere instant gratification. The heart to heart love that you have with one another is what brings me my happiness. Trying to grow closer to my brother, loving my friends, and most importantly loving God and pleasing him. Other wise we would not be celebrating December 25th, otherwise known as CHRISTmas.

:)

Growth group.

When growth groups were originally formed within the continumm, they were meant to be fairly small. Although the one I joined didn't happen like that I feel so good about the people that I meet with every week. I feel like God has just put so many dynamic people within our group so that we are able to hear each other out and learn from each other. I feel incredibly blessed to have such friendships with these people as individuals and as a group. I love that I feel so free to state my opinion, feelings, or concerns with these individuals without feeling criticized or inadequate. I am proud to say that I have such an awe-inspiring community around me.


<3

the list can go on and on.

A man who is God fearing.
A man who is intelligent.
A man with integrity.
A man that is serious when he needs to be.
A man that knows how to have fun.
A man that will challenge me.
A man that can appreciate the small things.
A man that wants to travel.
A man that is not afraid to be uncomfortable.
A man that is not materialistic.
A man who wants a family.
A man with a GENUINE heart.
A man that is adventurous.

I have high standards and this is the kind of guy I would like to marry.
A guy that is not like every other one out there.

Money

I only owe 950$ left on my student loan and 400$ to pay off on my vacation. I have set up a budget for myself this past month so I am not spending too much unnecessary money. I hope to have these things paid off around February of 2009. The only way to make that possible this time of year is to not spend to much this holiday season. I hope that my friends and family will be able to understand that. I just want to be debt free so that I am able to freely travel.

I got an email last week from I.S.V but I don't think that I will be working with them next summer. It is pretty expensive and i don't have the means right now. It is something that I would like to take into consideration for the future.

bren.

I had a really great night last night in L.A. with Maricela just driving around the area. It was a very spontaneous thing for us to go there. It was nice to get out of the city for the night to just drive around. When we were on our way home I just got into a crappy mood and that was for no particular reason. It was just one of those moments that I was "thinking" which most of the time is not good for me. When I got home Bren had asked me over and over what was wrong with me. I told her numerous time that nothing was up and that I was fine. She didn't believe me whatsoever but I guess thats why she is my best friend. There are time where I feel like she knows me better than I know myself. It was wrong of me to just lie and say nothing was wrong instead of saying I didn't want to talk about it. Somehow we got back on that talk tonight before we went to Andy's house and I shed a few tears. Lately I have been more vulnerable than I have ever been. So much of it is because I use to just let things sit inside of me and not let them come out. I want to be at a healthy state in my life where I can be comfortable in who I am and the feelings that I feel. I asked Brenda to keep me accountable with some personal things. She is always there to give me the words of encouragement that I need. I am very thankful for that and for her.

I need to set little goals that I can achieve instead of a bunch of big goals and setting up myself for failure.

Ha.

I just looked through my old melodramatic journal. It was pretty humorous to read about what I was writing about when I was in high school. I love looking back at that kind of stuff and seeing how much I have grown. The places I have been, and how I have been stretched. I know in a few years I will be saying the same thing about this journal. A huge reason why I like to jot down my present life or things on my heart are so I can reflect on these things.

A good book.

I want to read a new book. I don't know what though. I seem to start books and don't finish them often enough. Reading is good and it stimulates the mind.
Suggestions???

I am...

anxious, shy, nervous, and speechless.

off topic as usual...

Standing up for myself has always been something I have not been terrible good at. As I get older and grow within myself I am understanding the importance in doing so. With only working three days a week the past two weeks busyness has not given me the excuse of putting my emotions and heart aside. On the outside this is a very calming time in my life, perhaps the most easy going since high school. On the other hand it is quite the opposite on the inside. It for sure is not a bad thing. So many aspects in my life are being challenged right now but I know with my faith and reliance in God, He will guide me in places that I never thought I would be.
Bren told me this quote from Winston Churchill "when your going through hell keep on going". In any way I am not saying that I am going through hell but I know I have definetly been shaken.

Crutch

My relationship with my mom is difficult to say the least. I have come to a point in my life where I desire to have a better bond with her. Especially having the absence of my father magnifies that desire even more. It gets rather challenging having to be the one that is the crutch when I am the youngest one in my immediate family. I am still trying to figure out the role that I am suppose to be playing in my mothers life. Sounds pretty funny doesnt it? There is a reason why I didnt grow up with a so called "normal family". Even though it is something that I question time will unfold the purpose in this. Until then I know I need to remain strong, comppasionate, and patient towards her. It is one the most troublesome elements in my life nonetheless it wil be something that will edify me.

Hawaii

I finally went on my vacation to Hawaii. I got back just a few days ago and somewhat wish I didnt have to leave paradise. The scenery of the Island was just absolutely stunning. I definitely plan on going back due to the fact that there are still many places on that island I would like to visit/see. I didnt get a chance to visit pearl harbor, halawea falls, or diamond head. The whole time I was there I was just in awe of how big God really is by just taking a glimpse around.

I am slowly trying to over come some of my fears, one of them being heights. I went parasailing

Day well spent.

On saturday I got to enjoy some local touristy stuff with some of my best friends. Its kind of crazy to think that I live in the middle of some really cool places to just go for the day. It was very exciting however to say the least. We began our day at Olvera St. for lunch and mexican candy then walked over to china town. We all hopped in our cars and drove up to the Getty. Going to a good museum always makes me appreciate art a lot more. The beauty of the gardens were unblemished and so peaceful. As I get older I learn to enjoy the beauty of the outdoors and the beauty of nature in general.

For dinner I had my first Roscoes chicken and waffle experience. Ha who would have ever thought that, that combination of food would actually work. I love waffles and they had some really good ones. :)

Oct. 24th.

Last night around 9:00 p.m. Shannon and I arrived in S.D for the night. We drove down there to spend the night and to wake up in the morning to help Tran pack up and move back to orange county. Today was quite an exciting day and I must say that I am truly blessed to have Tranica be a part of my daily life again. It will be an interesting, wild, and fun experience to have the three of us crammed in our one bedroom apt.

Finally

After living in our new apt. for roughly two months Bren and I finally got internet and cable. There were so many times when I wanted to update my blog but I could not because of the internet on my phone is lame and would delete everything I wrote. I now will be able to update on a regular basis.

Last Tuesday I quit my job at the salon. It really just was not the direction that I had originally thought it was going to go. Every time I went into work I was very unhappy, so I was thinking to myself why stay here if I am so unhappy? It really just is not for me to work under people. I learned that I like to do my own thing and to make mistakes that I can learn from. This may be a little shocking but I think I will apply at supercuts when I get back from my vacation. I came to the conclusion that it will be a smart move in building up my clientel. It will also help me gain the knowledge, experience, and confidence I need in this field. I will also make business cards that I actually LIKE and reflect my personality.

It's been a while

I am going to make another attempt to update my blog from my phone and hope that it does not get deleted again.

Since the last time I updated I for sure have had a ton of time to think about life. Even in the middle of my crazy schedule that I have been having foe the past month. My mind/heart still has a huge desire to want to travel. I did come to conclusion that I am not ready to actually move away though..perhaps in a few years I will be though. I was talking to bren the other day on our way to l.a about taking an extensive road trip next summer. She has always wanted to go to the south so that is something that is taking highly into consideration for next year. The goals I have for myself though are to save some cash so that money is not an issue. I feel like this is the perfect time in my life to be able to do som.ething like this without anything/anyone holding me back. Especially my career for that manner. I am looking foward to the rest of this year and all of next.

I have come to conclusion that I work really well with people but terrible at working for people. Does that make sense?

quick notes

1. I cant ever seem to fall asleep when I need to but when I cant sleep I have a hard time staying awake.
2. Hawaii is coming up at the end of next month so I want to loose 8-10 lbs before then.
3. I just watched 27 dresses today and it made me want to get married really bad. There is a big problem with that though Im lacking the guy haha.
4. I need to make at least 1200 dollars before the end of the month to pay my bills and credit card off. I think I can do it, I still have a while.
5. I should go to bed now I need to be up in the morning for a class..whoo hoo.
6. Speaking of class, Im thinking about taking a few different classes
7. Good night.

GO

Bren says go. Just go. Whats holding you back?
I guess I'm scared. Unsure. Feelings of being unstable.

Im living in my prime right now. I would hate for it to pass me and think that I did nothing with it.

lets travel

I seem to always get these ideas in my head to try to make an impact on the world in some kind of positive way. I feel like the more and more time goes on I still find my self in the same place and that would be fullerton ca. For a while I thought that I would stay in california. However as I talk to more and more people we are trying to figure some where else to be. I was convinced at one point that I was going to be moving to oregon..but i dont know about that one. My goal for next summer is to do some kind of missional work or travel throughout the us. Another thought is going to Indonesia for a few weeks to a month with a few friends.When I am remembered on this earth I don't want to be the girl that grew up in fullerton, went to church here, got married, had kids and is STILL here. I want accomplishments and Im not talking about financial ones. I want to be remembered as someone who LOVED the Lord and LOVED His people and made an impact on lives around me. It breaks my heart when people simply just dont have love in their lives. I want to be someone that could show that. Perhaps I dont need to get away to do that but for sure I am/going to be thinking about where I am to be lead this next year.

I apologize for my scattered thoughts but I honestly just dont get much time to write in here so when I do I know this prob. does not make much sense to people but thats okay. :) haha.

have a good one.

saaaaan diego

This weekend after I get off work on sat. I will be driving down to sd with bren to visit Tran. I must say that im super stoked on going and am excited to get away for a couple nights.

mind reader

A few co workers and I were standing up at the front of the restraunt tonight just chatting away due to the fact we didnt have anything much better to do. So this guest that was taken care of by another server comes up to the front and pays her bill. She complimented me on my hair and said " i like your highlights". We were just having some small talk and then out of the blue she goes "you have love coming your way soon". I was just so confused but then she told me that she was a psychic.Then she goes you were a rebound for the last guy and to keep going after the one i like now....i found this all humerous but it was the highlight of my day hahahaha...have a good one and happy labor day.

Regret

It is best to not live in regret for past decisions. To know that the choices you made at the time were right and those that were not was a lesson well learned.

thought for the day...

no title

lately it just seems as though i have.not had much time to just relax and breath. i find myself always needing to get caught up with something. i am very much lookig forward having a day off feom everything to just sit at home, sleep, and watch movies.

its been a while

I have not gotten much of a chance to write in this blog. When I created it my intentions were to keep pretty up to date with it. Things have been so insanely busy for me its been hard for me to just find time to breathe. Bren and I are finally getting settled into our new apartment. We had a few down falls the first couple days with the place but now things are great. Its really nice to not have to worry about multiple people in one place. In Oct. though we will be having our friend jon rowe live with us for a few months..its def. going to be an interesting time. I have lived with many different kinds of people but never a boy..haha. It will be fun to say the least though.

I dont have much time for updating right now due to the fact i dont have internet on my home pc and its a pain in the butt to write this much from my cell phone. We will be getting internet shortly though but for now I have to come to the club house in my apt. complex and thats not always very convenient, however for now that is what I will be doing.

third day

Today was my third day at the salon. I must say that it was really good but it was really long. I was there for a total of 11 hours, I def. did not expect to be there for such extensive hours. It is for sure giving me a taste into the industry and I'm liking it so far.


Anywho....
I find that when im driving alone that gives me lots of time of thought process. Things I don't normally think about unless I am just driving or when by myself. I was thinking tonight about how I feel like people have put me on this petistole. I have never heard so many people say that I never do anything wrong, that I never make mistakes, that I have everything figured out and that I have so much going for me. Although sometimes it may seem true it really isnt. I do make mistakes, I don't have everything figured out, and I am still not sure on really how much I have going for myself...

I find myself asking alot of questions that I do not have answers to. Sometimes I guess it is a good thing othere times it is really frustrating. It just seems like everything I thought was so sure isnt and what I wanted in life is completely different. The thoughts in my head keep bouncing around going a million miles an hour. Im 21. Im young. Im still trying to figure out lilfe. Maybe I won't ever, maybe I should just leave that for the big man upstairs.

the beginning....

For a while now I have wanted to start a blog. A blog that people may or may not read. A place to jot down my feelings, thoughts, concerns, or questions...lets see how this works out.