turn around

I feel like I have a lot of people in my life that i will always remain close to no matter how long I stay out of touch with and Bmax is one of the people. Yesterday morning I had to please to get breakfast with him and enjoyed some pumpkin pancakes over a good conversation. I am finding that my time away from my mom for short amounts of time are healthy for my mind well being, especially with people I care for so dearly. I am finding more and more that God is still using people to talk to me, to comfort me, and help me make handle everything in the best way possible.
Overall it was just a good day yesterday. After that I went to Herbies in uptown whittier and bought my mom some food items that will hopefully help her. Then Shannon came over and we got to take some good family pictures. Thank God she was able to feel good enough so that we were able to get together to take these pictures. That night I went to work and Megan and Mitch came by and visited. It was good to see my roommate that I barely see :( and to see Mitch who was out on the road for a few weeks. We ended the night back at our apt and had some good conversations then I returned to my moms that night.


Finally!!!!!

We met a doctor that i ACTUALLY like! :). I feel like most of the doctors I have come in contact with are not very realistic and are too book minded. This guy was awesome. He was very good at explaining things and made my mom, brother, and i feel really comfortable. My mom is on new pain meds now and this week she will be on hospice care from home. With this it will help our with some many different things along with keeping her pain levels to a minimal. It will do me a lot of good too because I won't feel like i am working all hours of the day and therefore help give time for my mom and I to actually hang out.
Tonight we drove out to Azusa to visit my aunt and uncle. It was nice for my mom to be out of her apt and get fresh air. I enjoy the company of my aunt and uncle very much.


Without the love and support with everyone around this whole process would be a thousand times more difficult. Please just keep us and her in your prayers. Thank you and Love you :)

Life is getting more discouraging as time goes on. I hate these words coming out of my mouth but I am now having moments where I am upset with God...
Is that even okay?
I can't take seeing my mom in pain anymore. We are trying our best for her to not be in pain but it just seems like it is getting worse and worse. I don't feel like my brother is pulling much weight around the house, which leaves mean frustrated. I am tired.
There are little moments when I leave the house to go out for a bit but I am just worried the whole time. How can I get away when I know my mom is laying there in pain. I HATE it. Why??? Ugh!!! There are so many moments where I am panicking inside because I am afraid that something will happen to her when either my brother or I is not home.
The days just seem to get longer and longer.

To top it off I lost a $100 bucks at work tonight. Somehow when I did my check out I gave someone the wrong money and no one confessed to taking it. So now I am even more short on money. This month is just fabulous.

here we go again.

My emotions go back and fourth constantly. In some moments I am completely okay with how everything pans out and the next I could be upset or angry. Seeing my mom in pain brings me down inside more than anything. To see your parent break down and cry because of how much pain their in is so heartbreaking and knowing that there is literally nothing we can do about it makes it even more difficult . We are doing everything we can so that she is not in pain but nothing seems to be working. I am pretty sure her body has gotten immune to the pain medication forcing her to take in shorter intervals which is not healthy for her.

This past week I have spent all my time including spending the night at her house. Preparing her meals, giving her medicine, making her tea, cleaning her house, doing her laundry, and giving her her vitamins. I am really trying to help her feel as comfortable as possible.


God I just want her healed from her pain. I want her to be able to get a good nights rest.

#3

We only have as much faith as we allow ourselves to have. I need to change my perspective and attitude. I need to be happy when I am with her and enjoy every moment together. We are both growing within this. I need to see a light at the end of this tunnel. He gives and takes away. I want her pain away and I firmly believe that can be removed. My spirits are starting to look up. It's not up to a doctor to give us a time limit, it's Gods plan and His plan ONLY.

Faith
Faith
Faith is what going to get us through this. Please remember to keep her in your prayers. Pray for her pain, pray for mine and my brothers strength and attitudes. She won't get through this if she doesn't have something worth fighting for and right now my brother and I are worth fighting for.
She needs her physical strength built back up so please pray for that. Also please pray that the people in all of our lives can be used as tools to give us any information on fighting this battle.

update #2

In this moment I am completely frighten.
It started off as a normal day at my moms but that only last about 5 minutes. She started to sit up so she could eat the little food that she was planning on, then suddenly was hit with the most excruciating pain that she has ever been in up until this point. She had an unexplainable look on her face with moans of pain coming out of her mouth. The first thing that came out of my mouth was screamed "MOM NO" and the tears did not stop for some time. For a moment I felt like I may be losing her real soon. I still don't know though. I feel like she could last a couple more years and the other part of me is not sure if she will last till the end of this year. She has more faith in this than I could even think about having. When her pain hit she repeatedly said "in the name of Jesus take away this pain and cure me". I know she knows that she is not ready to go. She wants to fight it the natural way. I firmly believe this is possible but I get overwhelmed with all the information there is out there that has to do with cancer. Some say its a death sentence and others say it's not as bad as you think. Who knows...
I am trying to have my head up high on this but it is harder at this point than it has been. I don't like to see anyone suffer in any kind of way at all. It breaks me down inside and I can't handle it.

Mom

The time that it is most important in my life to blog is when I stopped. I am going to try to pick it back up but I don't know how well it's going to work out. The best way I deal with tough events in my life is to run and that is exactly what I have done when I stopped writing. I didn't want to have to deal with the thoughts about my mom being sick more than I needed to, however it's important for growth within myself and to properly handle everything.

Lately I have spent countless amount of hours at my moms house. Things are getting tougher by the day. She seems to be in more and more pain as time goes on, needing to up her intake on her pain pills. For a long time everything seemed normal but just a little bit difficult to walk. Now I can visually see that her leg that the cancer in is rapidly growing. We could have a moment where everything is good, everything is normal but the second I look down at her leg my eyes are flooded with tears forcing me to walk out of the room. I don't want my mom to see me sad or scared. It's important that our time is filled with loving each other in the best way possible. My mom has become one of my friends, which has been such a big blessing in my life. I know that God is constantly showing Himself to me because He knows I need Him now but it still is hard.
This very well could be the last holiday season I get to spend with my mom and brother as a family. I am learning as time goes on that people in my life are just so important to me and it's so easy to get lost in that in the midst of business and chaos. I don't want to loose sight of that and I am going to be the best daughter I can be in this time.

Friends, please continue to keep her and my family in your prayers.

I love you mom.

Just cant seem to make up my mind.

It has just been one of those moods lately. I go to write a blog, I start it, then just delete it.
I will make an actual update soon. It just been difficult to find the desire to write.







Psalm 40
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

State of confusion

Sometimes all I want are answers. I am so confused and everything seems so blurry. I have been wrestling with this issue for a couple months now and I still can't figure out what to do. I have been in prayer about it and sometimes feel like I got the answer and other times it is just so unclear. I made the decision to let it go for now but I am having a hard time with it. As time goes on it gets a bit easier and easier but it is still not easy.
Part of me knows why things played out the way they did and other parts of me feels like there are so many unanswered questions.

Just a quick post.

Things in my life have settled down quite a bit since last month till now.
My Mom started radiation therapy this past monday and will be doing it five days a week for the next month. There is a 50/50 chance that this treatment will work but if it does it will prolong her life for a few years. Even though there is no way of getting rid of the cancer there is certainly a chance it will be stopped/slowed down. I have such a peace in my heart that everything will be taken care of. I have already been able to see the work that God has done in this.
As for now, I have really learned to take everything day by day and not worry about it in the long run. I am embracing life right now and take it for what it is. This had made everything so much better.

Again, I don't think I could say this enough and I will say it over and over. Friends, you truly are the best!!! I am so amazed by how much I am cared for from all of you.

My Mom

It has been diagnosed. It is stage 4 cervical cancer. This means that it is not curable and it has reached her bone, however treatable. She had it ten years ago and caught it in its first stage and got rid of it, but it has come back. There is no telling if it was from last time or just started over.

The past week has been a huge challenge for me and my faith. In the midst of all this I know I need to focus myself on Him. It is getting quite difficult in a situation like this. He has made me strong my whole life and it's not going to change now.
I thank Him for the people He has placed in my life because without them I know I would be in a much darker place.
I could sit here all day and ask why? But there is purpose. It doesn't mean I know what it is right now or I that I even need to know. In time it will be revealed.
I don't want to turn away no matter how rough things will get. God is good, gracious, and loving. He can do more than I can imagine or ask for.
It's hard, real hard.

Thank you for your prayers and support for my family.

My friends.

Philippians 4:4 says to
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again:
Rejoice!"

I will trust in Him no matter what. He is my strong force and keeps me going.


There is a lot going on right now so if I seem to be short with anyone or don't have much time to talk please don't take it personal.
Thank you to those that have been there with me to encourage me and just give me an ear. You know who you are! I am thankful for all your love and support. Honestly it means more to me than you could ever know.

I love you.

Time spent in Colorado/Iowa thus far...

This past thursday Meleca and I got the chance to explore the cities of Denver and Boulder in Colorado. Both so different, yet similar in a sense. Colorado has got to be one of the most beautiful places I have ever been! I don't think that words or pictures could really describe it's beauty unless you see it with your own eyes. There were waterfalls everywhere, tons and tons of trees, beautiful homes, and nice chilly weather in the summer.
When we were in Denver we walked around a well known outdoor mall on 16th street then had lunch a restaurant called Steubens recommended by Nate. If you are ever in the area for some reason you should go there and have their mac n' cheese...soo good!
After walking around Denver for a while we met up with Crystal and she took us into Boulder. We walked at least four miles around that town! This place was filled with bike riders, small bridges, and hippies. I hear it is pretty comparable to Portland.
-Thank you so much to Crystal and Jill for your hospitality in opening up your home to us and taking us around. We had a blast!

Iowa...oh Iowa. You are nothing what I expected of you. My initial thought of the drive to Iowa is that it was going to be very boring and ugly. Although it was not as pretty as Colorado it was really green! We saw miles and miles of corn fields on the way here...(mel is bound to work on a corn farm). Indeed it was a long drive though. On our way out we went about 25 miles in the wrong direction to only turn right back around. That added on at least an hour to our 12 hour drive. Not to mention there was an hour added for the time change.

Today was a pretty eventful day here in Iowa. We drove around all the surrounding cities, went to the Kolana cheese, an Amish grocery store, learned how to ride a small motor cycle, mowed the lawn (....eh kinda), had delicious ice cream at a ma and pop shop and much more. I enjoyed today a lot. Melecas family has been soooooo good to us! It is a blessing to have her friends and family house/take care of us.


Here are some pictures to look at. They are more exciting than my writing. Yet again they didn't post in the right order...ah oh well.

Just one of the many little bridges in Boulder.

Its a good thing I packed a "just in case" sweater. It rained all day. I must say it was a nice change from the hot weather.

In the back ground is the 16th street mall. You can't tell at all how sweet of a place it was. Just take my word for it.

By the Capital

On our way to Denver

Classic Mel face. She was terrified of this thing and wouldn't take it off the grass.

Taste testing one of the million cheeses there were.

In front of Kolona cheese



It is difficult to get a good shot of the back ground when you don't have someone to take the picture for you.



I was laughing so hard because this thing just makes you bounce so much!

Yea, she was scared of this one too.

Taking it to the streets.

Theres a first time for everything.

Mels awesome aunt and uncle


We both got a chance to use a manuel one too...ha this was fun.

The Journey Begins...

Meleca and I hit the road at 3:00 pm on tuesday. Our first stop was Las Vegas, Nevada where we were greeted with a nice hot meal and a warm bed to sleep in. We woke up at 530 the next morning to get right back on the road on our way to Denver, Colorado. Our 12 hour drive consisted of 80 degree weather in Nevada to complete rain two hours into Colorado. Our drive also included amazing conversations, lots of catching up, over 300 questions of would you rather, singing along to old classics, introducing her to some new music, talking about boys, enjoying the scenery, being so confused as to why there was rain at the end of July, and making sure we had enough coffee in us to sustain our energy the rest of the drive. Here are some pictures from along the way.

For some reason the pictures uploaded out of order...ah oh well.

I almost peed my pants in this one because of how high up we were. You can't tell so much in this picture but I was frightened.

We only passed through the tip of Arizona after being in Nevada and on our way to Utah. Of course we had to stop and take a picture though.

This was taken early early in the morning pretty much rolled out of bed. It was so hot so early!!!

Our first sign picture

Mels sign picture

This was the closest to a sign of Utah we could get. It was on the other side of the interstate from the border into Colorado.

What a beautiful place to be.

We had no idea we were going to enter into rain at this point.

The clouds were so close it felt like we could reach out the window and touch them.

Gorgeous.

If you look close enough you could see a rainbow.

Rain?

Moving

I am no longer going up to Portland, Seattle, or Vancouver. I am completely okay with this and I know I will make it up there. Hopefully sooner than later. I did extend my road trip with Meleca by a couple of days so I will enjoy some good quality time with her before she goes off to grad school.

This week I will be moving out of my mothers house. I thought I would be able to last longer than I am going to. I think it is the healthiest decision for us both. It makes it difficult to live in a place where you have no space and that itself does not help the relationship between my mom and I. From this point on I am going to try to be a better daughter to my Mom. I take for granted that I have a mother because of the relationship/bumps in the road we had while I was growing up. I want to love my Mom and I want to be a good daughter. This means making the best decisions that will help that. For now this means moving out. Maybe I will live with her again in a few months or in a year. Who knows?? I am realizing more and more that I have held on to how my brother and mom treated me while growing up. This has created underlying negative feeling towards them. I am ready to give all that up now that it is brought to my attention and be a better sister and a better daughter to my family. I want to be able to love. I want to be able to love with a pure heart. I care about them so much so it is time for me to let go.

I missed the road so much I'm going back this summer.

Well, Kinda...this time it's for fun.

While I was on tour my friend Maricela proposed the idea of going on a road trip this summer. Of course I wanted to go, I mean, who wouldn’t? When I got back California we had further talked about it. As we talked about it I realized that I didn’t have the money to 1. Take time off of work and 2. Pay for gas and housing. It was a huge blessing to hear that she was willing to pay for everything and I am just providing my car. So she said when and where, and I said I’m there! Our destination will be Vancouver, Canada and will be passing through Oregon to pick up a friend on the way and Seattle. It’s going to be about 4,000 miles of driving in a weeks time period but I am up for the challenge.

Just a few days ago my friend Meleca and I were catching up. ( Side note….she is one of my favorite people who I absolutely adore). While we were conversing we were discussing her move out to Indiana, where she will be attending grad school. I had asked her if she was driving or flying out there. To my surprise she said that she is driving out there alone. Yes, alone! Therefore I will be making that drive out there and will be flying back. I am looking forward to doing this drive with one of my best friends, seeing a whole new trail of states, and making good conversations along the way.

This means by the end of all of this I will have been to/traveled through 24 of the 50 states. Whoa!

Old Blog

This is an old blog I wrote Sept. of last year. I was looking back at my old entries and came across this one. Interesting hu...?

lets travel

I seem to always get these ideas in my head to try to make an impact on the world in some kind of positive way. I feel like the more and more time goes on I still find my self in the same place and that would be fullerton ca. For a while I thought that I would stay in california. However as I talk to more and more people we are trying to figure some where else to be. I was convinced at one point that I was going to be moving to oregon..but i dont know about that one. My goal for next summer is to do some kind of missional work or travel throughout the us. Another thought is going to Indonesia for a few weeks to a month with a few friends.When I am remembered on this earth I don't want to be the girl that grew up in fullerton, went to church here, got married, had kids and is STILL here. I want accomplishments and Im not talking about financial ones. I want to be remembered as someone who LOVED the Lord and LOVED His people and made an impact on lives around me. It breaks my heart when people simply just dont have love in their lives. I want to be someone that could show that. Perhaps I dont need to get away to do that but for sure I am/going to be thinking about where I am to be lead this next year.

I apologize for my scattered thoughts but I honestly just dont get much time to write in here so when I do I know this prob. does not make much sense to people but thats okay. :) haha.

have a good one.

Since being back in Fullerton...

I have been able to dedicate most of my time to hanging out with friends and family.
I have made numerous trips to Dland and am returning tomorrow.
I have been going to rock harbor every sunday night for the past month.
I have been able to get closer to some friends.
I have had some terrible days.
I have had some amazing days.
I am broke.
I have no bed.
I have heard good news.
I have heard bad news.
I start work on friday.
I have had some of the best days the past month.
I sart work on Friday.
I want to work in a salon.
God is good.
God is faithful.
Life is good and I can't complain.
New activities for the summer include longboarding, biking, and not much sitting around.
When I get my laptop back I will try to update more. I really wish that I would make myself do so.
Well friends, I hope you are all doing well. It has been great to see you all!

Quick Post

Currently I am am in the upstairs portion of the LiNK office in Torrance, Ca.It is now the second to last day of being here. I have been finishing up some work that needs to be done before my official internship is over. I had my exit interview a few days ago and I have been soaking everything in. It feels like that I have hit a strange wall in my life. I personally had no idea what an emotional pull this would be to coming back to reality.

Personally, the most difficult thing about this is going from doing something so effective and life changing, to going back to just making money. I really don't know if it is something that I can explain with words without having gone through it. At this point I am curious to see where the Lord is going to be leading my life. If there is one thing that I can point out from tour that I have learned is His obedience.

Ya'll

It never fails that I wait an extended period of time before writing my next blog.
I am going to make this as simple as possible.

God: God is good! He never fails and is perfect. His timing the past few months have been incredible. I am continuously growing and being more deeply rooted in the Lord that I serve, more than ever! My Aunt gave me a booked called FOLLOWING GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART by Elizabeth George before leaving for tour. Somehow I had left it behind in my car this whole time and cane across it last night. The book is about Elizabeth and how her journey with God revolutionized her life. It touches on the points of
-Growing in Joy and Contentment
-Growing in Devotion and Obedience
-Growing in confidence
-Growing in courage
-Growing in Humility
It is as it were to be that I had left the book behind and came home to it. Everything that it touches are things that I experienced during tour with my relationship with God. Spending a lot of time in a setting where you are around people but feel so alone I begun to learn a lot about myself. This is such a stretching time in my life and I am looking forward to seeing where the Lord is going to be leading me these next few months and even years!


Home: Its as almost as if it was a shock to be home. Being in a unfamiliar city or even state on a daily basis got to be something that I really got use to. I got to know my friends as voices over the phone instead of physically interacting with them. Coming back and seeing people was surreal because of the fact that they were a voice on the phone for so long. I have been able to grown some friendships through this, which I have really enjoyed.

Summer Plans: Working at Mimis, quitting Mimis haha, volunteering with LiNK, Disnetyland ☺, possibly a trip to Montana, houseboats, moving in with Megan and Shannon, taking an extended weekend to go to Seattle, Portland, and Vancouver. You can’t forget them summer late nights and fun in the sun!

LiNK; I will support this cause as long as the Lord leads me to. I have been blessed to hang out with, and work with, a NK refugee. Having Shin here with us in Torrance has put such a encouraging light to the work that we at LiNK have been doing the past few months and many of those people, years.

I would love to being praying for you my friends so if there is anything please let me know. If you all could be praying for my strength and my relationship with my mother ,that would be greatly appreciated.

“ God’s will…renews your mind, gives you meaning to life, is unique to you, requires patience, calls for obedience. “

So far so good.

The past few days I have been able to enjoy some good conversations with close friends of mine. It is truly comforting to be able to know that there are family and friends who care for me so deeply.

Oh good ol’ Louisiana….
What I have seen of this state I have really enjoyed. Despite the humidity here it seems like a wonderful place to live. For one, the scenery is absolutely stunning. I personally love driving down the neighborhood streets where the tree branches are covering atop from one end of the street to the other. Nature in general is absolutely incredible, and is something I have grown to appreciate more and more these past eight weeks.

The people that we have met here have been nothing but hospitable to us. Giving us their beds to sleep in, feeding us breakfast, taking us out to eat for some true southern food, and simply spending time with us giving us tours of the cities.

Today we had a screening down in New Orleans. My team and I decided that it would be cool to go down to Bourbon street earlier in the day and walk around. It was filled with countless amounts of souvenir shops and restraints where you could get your New Orleans gumbo, crawfish, and jambalaya. The architecture of the buildings were so different from other places that I have been before. I was very surprised to see how little the French Quarter was affected by Katrina. It looked as though Mother Nature didn’t get a hold of them.

Fun event for the day: It is a must that when you go to New Orleans you must go to the beignet café and order some beignet and coffee. Beignet at French doughnuts that are topped with powdered sugar. It is not a must that you eat all the sugar that is on the plate however. Once we were done eating the beignet my teammate says “hey ill give you five dollars if you eat all that sugar” I had told him “no way”. He progressively increased the amount of money that he was going to give me. Once he got to fifteen I thought to myself, mm…I bet I can get him to give me twenty bucks. So I ate approximately six tablespoons of powdered sugar and boy did I feel sick!
Note to self: Don’t ever do that again unless it is for $50.00 haha.

This concludes my New Orleans experience for now I hope you are all doing well and I miss you all very much. I am looking forward to seeing my friends and family back home.

Fortunate

I can't believe how fast the time is approaching that I will be back in California. We have our last screening here in Louisiana on Sunday at 3:00 p.m. which means we will hit the road around 6:00 p.m. Our expected arrival time will be sometime between 11:00 p.m. and 3:00 am on the 12th depending on how many pits stop we make. I am so excited to see the faces of my friends on that day :). Well I am kinda hoping that my team has that day off because of the travels and what not.

I am truly blessed to be able to have a job waiting for me when I get back. However there is an unsettling feeling about going back to Mimi's Cafe. Maybe it is because I have this fear that I will be trapped there for the rest of my life haha. A short term goal will be to have a new job in my field at the end of summer. The plan for now is to catch up on my bills over the coarse of the next few months and to move back out of my moms house.
For the past few days I have heavily been thinking about my career and what I would like to do with that. My heart desires to use my talents in ways that could help people that are less fortunate. Such as helping out at orphanages, old peoples homes, or just people that don't have money to spend on getting their hair done. First I must further my education in that so that I am able to do these things along with having an actual job that pays.
The thought of opening a fair trade coffee shop or a ice cream parlor down the road has crossed my mind as well. It just seems like my brain is running wild with thoughts of the future. I know that God has a perfect plan and will lead me where He wants me to be. Its just so crazy to see where my life has gone since high school and where it will be going in the future. I am so excited about life and what it entails.

Every good story ends how it starts.

Since returning to Memphis we were able to meet up with our first contacts Andrew and Katherine for a few laughs. We got to enjoy some tempura ice cream again, tried some tempura cheesecake, experienced downtown Memphis, then went to Kooky Canucks for lunch and had an incredible dessert. This dessert is called the Avalanche, a whopping 18 scoops of vanilla ice cream with a plethora of toppings. For sure this was the biggest ice cream challenge I have encountered and was thoroughly impressed by how much Julie was able to inhale.

It is officially one week from today we will be on the road back to Ca. As I lay here in Memphis, in the lovely home of the Lawrances, I am able to reflect on the last two months. The southeast nomads got to spread to news about North Korea eight states throughout the south. We met some incredible people along the way, had countless amounts of laughs, and personally learned so much about myself. Throughout the past two months of tour I have been challenged in multiple ways and within all this, I have learned to rely on the Lord more than ever. I really been able to come to grasp to what it means to Trust in the Lord and He will make your paths straight. There is something about not being in your “daily” environment that makes you stretch and really learn who you are. I have grown and been stretched in ways I was not aware of. Being away from my family, sisters, and brothers back home has made me so thankful for the people in my life. If there is one thing in life that truly gives me joy it is the relationships that I have with the people present in my life.

Oh Alabama

I thought I would have been much better about updating my blog while being on the road.
There has been so much that has gone on the past month and a half to where I wouldn't even know where to begin.
I am continuously in prayer for guidance and trust that the Lord leads me where he wants me to be.

I dearly miss Ca, my friends, and my community and the continuum.

The road has been good and is treating me well. I have gotten the chance to be able to expose the North Korean crisis to many people across the southeast. Fortunately I have been to many beautiful places while doing so.



www.linkglobal.org/blog/southeast
My teams blog. Follow. :)

HiT THE ROAD

Ever since I have stared my internship with LiNK, I have not had time to be able to write and catch up on my blog.
We had hit the road on Thursday March 12th and currently am in Memphis, Tennessee at our first contacts house Andrew Lovely. (Yes that is his real name)

Instead of trying to recap the last two and half weeks I will just point out a few key events.
We started our adventure for the road in Torrance, CA.
Our first stop was in Phoenix, Arizona where we just stayed the night to only hit the road early the next morning.
After driving for seven hours we made a pit stop in New Mexico where we got to eat a delicious hot meal, took warm showers, and drank multiple cups of coffee, to only keep us awake for the drive through the night.
We drove through the tip of Texas, then into Oklahoma (where there were old cars, white grass, and lots of McDonalds) and then into Arkansas and the scenery was absolutely stunning. We finally hit our first destination Memphis Tennessee on Sat. at 830 p.m. My team and I ate dinner at this Japanese/sushi restaurant that Andrew works at and I experienced my first highly recommended, tempura ice cream.

I am really learning to loving the experience of the Korean culture. I went to my first Korean church this morning. The service reminded me of my church when I first started attending it.
The majority of the congregation got together after church and ate lunch in one of their rooms at church. I ventured out of my comfort zone and tried a couple pieces of squid. It really didn't taste bad, I think the texture weirded me our more than anything.

Tomorrow is my very first screening tomorrow. I have feeling of nervousness, excitement, and anxiousness all mixed together.

Ok.

Huh...
Do you ever come to some kind of realization when it is too late?
Maybe realizations happen at a certain time for the best of the situation.
I did say don't wait for me and meant it but in some ways wish I didn't.
I am glad I have Brenda to be able to talk about these things. She gives me the advice I need to hear.
I know this post does not make sense but I wrote it just to write it...so my apologies go out ahead of time.

LiFE

Currently...
I am entering a new chapter in my life. A chapter that is exciting, new, different, out of my element, and that is completely crazy to me. Three weeks ago a non profit organization came to my church and showed a screening of the film "crossing". This organization is called LiNK which stands for Liberty in North Korea. After strongly thinking and praying about it over the course of 24 hours I made the decision to hop on board and become a Nomad for LiNK. Soon there after I put my two weeks in my job, put my 30 day notice in my apt. and said all my good byes to my friends and family back home. I am at this very moment at the Nomad apt. where there are 15 of boys and girls crammed into a 3 bedroom apt. This living situation has not been difficult however due to the lack of time that we actually spend in the house.

Ever since figuring out that I was going to go and leave home for 3 months, I have been nothing but non stop busy, getting minimal amounts of sleeps. Being busy has made it easy for my emotions to not be able to catch up with how I am actually feeling about leaving familiarity over the course of the next few months. Our office days are typically 7 am or a bit earlier and run till 9 pm but at times longer. Extensive, yes.

I have gotten a little time to just sit and think. Time to let my emotions get caught up momentarily. For the past three weeks I have been completely ok with being away from home for the next couple months. Don't get me wrong I still am... but I just now felt what it is that I am going to be feeling on the road when I am 2000 miles across the country. I didn't mention I was going to be traveling the south huh? I am, and I am super stoked on my region and teammates. Going off topic and rambling is what I do best at times, even when writing, and being able to edit this and not wanting to out of pure laziness.
Back to where I initially was going with this is that I think that I am going to miss my friends, my mom, brother, and even my job at Mimi's which I disliked at most moments. I have a mixed array of emotions that I don't even know exactly what I am feeling or able to pin point what it is. I know that there is a few issues that I will not talk about due to the reason that this blog is public and at any given moment anyone can read it.

Well friends...If you could be praying for me the next couple months about my strength to stay inner connected with the cause, stay motivated, meet new and exciting faces, safe travel, and comfort. I just think that, that is something that would be awesome in this time of moving, changing, and getting out of my element. I know I cant do this on my own as much as I would like to say I could.


I hope all is well back home for those who even read this.
I am excited to share my stories and life with anyone over the next few months.
I plan on updating as much as possible but we all know that every other blog I say I need to and it still doesn't happen


-Becky

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I feel as though I am such in an awkward state of life. I feel like I am smothered, yet alone. It's such a hard feeling to explain. Lately there has been so much conflict, yet so much growth in other areas. I am consciously making changes for me to continue growing however I keep hitting bumps in the road. I know in the end these are the things that will help me stretch and become the women I am suppose to be. I am so curious to see how life is going to play out these next few months.

A simplified update.

Yet again, I have gone for an extended period of time without updating my blog. Yet again, it's due to pure laziness and procrastination.
Instead of updating in a paragraph for I thought it would be a bit easier on my brain to just categorize my life for the past month.

::Work:: Yes, I am still at Mimi's cafe and no I don't have another job lined up yet. My talk with my GM about quitting didn't go over as well as I had hoped or planned. I still wanted to be able to pick up shifts without being on the schedule just so I had a sense of security when it came to making money. I really think it just wasn't pleasant news to hear he will be losing another server when they are already shorthanded. However I feel like this is the time for me to go. I have had my cosmetology license two weeks shy of 13 months. My drive for wanting to go into and learn more is growing stronger everyday. I am ready! I'm ready!
I really don't know what its going to look like in the next month, but I really hope to be moving forward in my career.

::Home:: Still living in the one bedroom apt. sharing a room with 2 other girls and paying almost 400$ in rent. Wow. Why is CA so expensive? We girls don't know what it is going to look like in the next few months but we do hope to be out of here and into a bigger place. I need more space for sure. I think that is safe to say for Bren and Tran as well.

::Travel:: Since September of 2008 I had planned on leaving for the summer. As of yet, I don't think that will happen. I would like to go somewhere for two weeks or go on a road trip still. I am content that it is not my time right now. I still have the same itch inside of me to see more of the world.

::School:: Ha, you all know how I am with school. I took a year off of school after high school, went back for a semester, hated it...then went back to my original plan of cosmetology school. No regrets. I am finding myself more and more lately wanting an education. Not because I don't want to do hair for the rest of my life but because I want to achieve a goal of a higher education. More than ever I have a higher desire to want to learn. It looks like I may be going to back to school next semester.


::God:: I am trying harder and harder to rely on the Lord. To trust where He is going to lead me and put me in the places He wants me to be. I want to want what He wants for me. I have met a few people this month that were just my customers at the restaurant that I feel were used as tools to speak in my life. It really is amazing to have such affirmation.


::Friends:: A weight is lifted off of my shoulders. I am now on good terms with EVERYONE. It is an amazing feeling. Earlier this month I have got a chance to restore my friendship with Amber. I had also had a talk with Logan that I have been wanting to have with him for some time now. In the mean time I have gained a few new friends and strengthen the friendships of others. What an amazing feeling to have people around you who care for you and love you.

::22:: I use to hate that I look so young for my age, but as I get older I am liking it. No no, I am not saying I am old. I did have a fabulous twenty second birthday up in Idylwild Ca. It was a rough start but such a good weekend in the end.

::Boys:: The ones you like don't like you back and the ones you don't like, like you. It seems to work out that way. I have liked the same boy for some time now but am too shy to admit or say anything. I am o.k with that. I enjoy being independent and free. It's good for me right now.

There it is, in lame mans terms.